just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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