I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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