With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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