You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
