I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
