You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
