Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
