I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
