you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize