Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
