had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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