you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
