bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
