Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
