the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Its about making memories worth repressing
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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