So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
