brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh god the rape fog is back!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
