A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
