new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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