After last night, I could never be a politician.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
