Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
