Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize