I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
