the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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