he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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