Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize