Just fell off a train. Bad.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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