I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Boobs speak an international language.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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