i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
