alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
