just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
