the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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