Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
