Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
