I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
