I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
