So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
