first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
