Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
