When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
