Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
be right there i have to get my cape
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
