Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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