Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
