someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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