thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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