Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
