I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
