Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
