Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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