I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
