My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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