no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
