Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
