I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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