She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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