apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
