2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you had me at cake vodka
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
