I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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