sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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