I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
