she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
