just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
