And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
