You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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