I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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