you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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