Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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