Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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