my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
