Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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