At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
