so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
