He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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