Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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